I found myself looking for a sign today, in which direction I needed to take in this life or even just reassurance that I was in fact headed in the right direction. I needed a little soul nourishment for lack of better words. I’m almost certain every 26 year old goes through this. From the outside looking in I probably look like I have it all together. I’m working for myself, have a house, a family and a fridge full of food. But there are always self doubts and sometimes I get lost in all of the different directions that I could take. Sometimes I need a guiding hand.
I usually ask family and friends what their opinions are and try to make a decision based off of someone else’s thoughts. I know, there’s my first mistake. Today I decided that there was going to be a change. I found myself missing my uncle so badly today, maybe because deep down I knew he’d be the one to tell me to stop worrying and just live. Or maybe because he was the one I usually valued the opinion of most.
In the midst of all my thoughts running rapidly wild in my head I actually tried to just live. I tried something new and went for a drive. All my windows were down and my radio up to evict those unwanted self doubts and negative thoughts. I felt free, I was free. I let my heart and soul take control and I ended up on what was once a dirt road.
This road was special though, my grandfather taught me how to ride my first bike on this road and later on my uncle taught me how to drive a truck on it. In the middle of winter I might add. I was terrified each time, but you know what? That’s when I let my walls down and just lived. I was present in everyone of those moments, and I remember them like it was yesterday. I was free.
I pulled over and parked in the back hay field. There was a hawk flying the perimeter of the field and landing on the outskirts of the bush. I took that as a sign, I was on track of where I needed to be. So I just sat there, and the overwhelming feeling of finally being clear on what I wanted and needed to do poured out of me. I could feel my uncle and grandpa there with me with a sense of security and encouragement; just like I’d know they’d be like if they were here in person.
This was the first time in a long time that I actually took the time to look inside of me and find out what the universe was trying to tell me. I felt connected to nature on a completely different level and I felt the love of the two men who helped shape me into the person that I am today. I felt free, I am free.